Think of what you did to get where you are in your career. You spent years perfecting the basics of learning during your primary education. Then you went to college, which today not only eats up 4-10 years in the prime of your physical life, but can cost upwards of five hundred thousand dollars! Then, you got your first position and started from the ground up learning the actual work that you trained and spent your parent’s or your own hard earned money to obtain. You got paid an entry level salary, got yelled at by your boss for not doing everyone else’s job, and you were required to get on-the-job training. In many professions, you must earn continuing education credits to stay current in your field. Whew!
When it comes to relationships, we feel differently. We believe that it should be like a bolt of lightning from the sky that hits you square between your eyes as you stare at the one true love of your life. The world suddenly quiets, as all doubts topple like buildings in a tsunami. Unfortunately, many stories, movies, and songs enhance the myth that love should be easy and instant. In reality, personal relationships, like professional ability, must be cultivated, studied, and chosen with utmost care. Often you will have to learn through trial and error.
You must study your own emotional needs and desires. Who are you attracted to and why? Then, ask if the people you are attracted to produce healthy or harmful relationships. If you find that you are constantly getting involved with people who take advantage of you or do not give you what you want, explore why you keep picking damaging partners. In many cases, your tendencies relate to your upbringing. Whatever the reason, ferret it out, identify, and acknowledge it. Then, try to recognize when you are making unwise decisions and change course before making a commitment. Exploring your choices and why you make them will give you more say in where you end up in your personal relationships, just like getting an education will give you a say in your career choices.
You do not want to have to take any job that comes along because you have no training. That’s when you wind up working in a dead end job just to pay rent and eat. You cannot start a family or help others in your life because you need their assistance to survive.
The same is true of relationships you just fall into because you have no one else and you are lonely, one of the worst emotional states from which to select a mate. Much like the dead end job, the dead end relationship puts you in a situation where a healthy, happy family is impossible. Even if you and your partner can physically have children and have a wedding, that does not mean you will have a family in the fullest sense. The family is predicated on your relationship as matriarch and patriarch of the household. If the rotted roots lay hidden under the soil, eventually, the tree will topple when strong winds blow as they always eventually do.
Make sure that you train and study yourself so that when Mr. or Mrs. Fantastic comes along, you will recognize that they have the traits you need to create a strong foundation for a life of sustained growth both personally and together.
If you’re dealing with an issue like this, I would be happy to help. Please reach out by calling my office at 310-314-6933 or sending me a private email.