Someone who learned how to find an honest man










How do you tell if someone is honest? What are some things to change if you want to find an honest man?

Find Yourself And Prioritize YOU

Most of all, remember that it isn’t your fault! So, don’t shame yourself. You were never taught any of this! Be proud of yourself that you want to start learning what you’ve never known.

You might want to start with being true and honest with yourself. Figure out who you are, honestly. Get to know yourself, separate from a man.

Don’t just do things because you think you ‘should’ do them. Do them because they feel right and authentic to you. Learn to be fully your own unique person. Discover how to love and nurture yourself. This might take some time, and therapy can really help with this. Then you can attract another honest person.

Explore what your childhood taught you about relationships and how that is affecting your choices now.  This insight will be invaluable to you.  This is the work you can do in therapy to help you grow and change so you can have better relationships.

To Find An Honest Man

Look for those who are direct, straightforward, and know who they are. Cultivate self-knowledge and directness. In order to be straightforward, you have to know yourself and feel self-confident.

This can be a challenge, but so worth it! The more you are honest with yourself, the more you will know yourself. Then you can attract someone else who is truly honest with themselves, too.

They mean what they say. They are responsible. If they agree to do something, they do it. If they make a mistake, they admit it and try to correct it. These are wonderful qualities that are well worth the effort to personally acquire, as well as to look for in others you are close to.

Get out into the world in order to get to know yourself. Take a class, learn tennis or golf, join a hiking group, mixed gender book club, or bowling league for singles. Develop your own passions, and look for someone who has a passion or two. This could be anything, cooking, drawing, yoga, travel, or reading. This way, you can observe him in public and experience him in life, where true personality gets exposed. Plus, you will figure out what you like doing and what makes you happy and fulfilled!

Develop a Value System Which Includes Mutual Respect

Learn to treat others with respect and understanding and look for someone who does the same. Even if you decide not to continue to date someone, respectful dating will help you develop character and is good practice. To find an honest man, see what happens when you treat them with care and kindness. Can they do the same for you?

You might be surprised to realize how much you can know about a person after one or two dates. If you get a bad feeling about something someone does or says on the first date, pay attention to that.

It’s often a gut feeling. If you get a bad gut feeling about them, it might be a genuine intuition about their lack of character.

Learn To Watch Out For These Negative Qualities

To find an honest man, you must see the person for who they are rather than for who you wish they were. Don’t be taken in by appearance, money, charisma and/or charm.

Little things are not little things. If they lie about something seemly small or unimportant, you might want to look carefully at that. It might be a sign that they are generally dishonest.

If he is super vague, not really explaining things or revealing any details, this can be a sign of someone who lies.

What to Look Out For

Look out for overuse of alcohol, drugs, gambling, or any other addiction. Addicts can be very persuasive, but dishonest. Be careful about being involved with addicts. Keep your eye out for this. You can wind up taking care of them, while none of your needs are met.

Be careful about getting roped into sexting or talking about sex. This can mean you are with a sex addict, or someone who is hyper-focused on sex rather than getting to know you.

Pass on those who brag and be careful about men who are overly complimentary before they even know you. They start out with way too much intensity, which, unfortunately, often leads to less and less closeness over time.

This is called love bombing. It is the way some men try to win you over, rather than get to know you. Aim for starting out slowly and building closeness over a longer period of time, a year or more.

Do not get involved too quickly. Give yourself three to six months to get to know a person before you decide to be serious. This will give you time to get to know yourself and pay attention to how you feel around this person.

Have you ever been on a date where he talks about himself too much? When he does not ask about you, while prattling on about his successes or problems, this is a warning sign.

Cultivate Your Own Positive Qualities and Value System

If you are an empathetic person, it will be easier to find a man who is that way, too. Understand that others are sensitive and have feelings. Then, look for a man with that same understanding.

Honestly and kindly express your feelings. Listen without judgement. Then, look for someone who does this in return.

Know your own values and look for a man with the same value system. It’s important to do some real inner work on this. If you know your own values, discovering the value system in your date will be much easier. They need to have integrity, and so do you.

Talk To Yourself Differently In Order To Find An Honest Man

Say to yourself, “I am going to find an honest man and not dismiss someone because they don’t seem exciting enough.” Stop negative self-talk. Changing how you talk to yourself requires work every day, otherwise you can just revert back to the same unproductive habits. Daily, try positive affirmations like:

“I am an honest person and I will find an honest man.”
“An honest man is in my future.”
“I can receive an honest man now.”
“Good men do exist and I will find one.”
“I am honest with myself.”

When you are dating someone new, sit quietly and ask yourself “Is this an honest person?” You may be surprised at what you come up with, just by listening to your inner voice.

Animals can help. If your pet doesn’t like the person, pay attention to that. Wonder why. Same with kids. Consider their opinion no matter how young they are. Ask them why they feel that way and listen to their reasons. Ask a trusted friend or two, as well. Select those who have good instincts and get their opinion.

To Find An Honest Man, Get Good At Identifying Gaslighting Behavior

If your date makes you question your reality, making you feel like you don’t know what you actually do know, this is called gaslighting. Do not date anyone who does this. It does a number on your self-confidence and feeds into your insecurities.

Therapy can help you identify this when it happens. Gaslighting can make you feel like you are crazy. It is actually very common, so learn to call it for what it is.

Honest, together men don’t argue rudely, trying to manipulate and bully you. They value your time, have patience and don’t name-call. They apologize when they are wrong, instead of gaslighting!

Stop Taking Care Of Others At The Expense Of Yourself

In a healthy relationship, someone who really cares for you and wants what is best for you does not expect you to take care of them at the expense of yourself. In a good relationship, setting healthy boundaries and having them respected is how love and trust grow.

A common tactic can be to criticize you for setting boundaries, accusing you of being selfish. There are many times when being selfish is the healthy thing to do. What really is selfish is to expect you to take care of them at the expense of yourself.

Therapy Can Help You Discover Things To Change If You Want To Find An Honest Man

Do some therapy to find out where you have a blind spot. These are important self-explorations. An investment in yourself is an investment in an eventual loving connection with a partner.

EMDR and neurofeedback are also excellent tools that I employ to help uncover hidden issues that are holding you back.

If you think I can help, reach out to me at 310-314-6933 or email me