As many women can attest to, menopause and sex drive are strongly related. Loss of libido is a common symptom of menopause.
Low sex drive can make you feel depressed, frustrated and effects your relationship with your partner. Addressing menopause and sex drive and restoring your sex life is important for your relationship.
Many couples, with the right support, can continue to have great sex after menopause and beyond. There is no time limit to sexual intimacy.
The Hormonal Connection Between Menopause and Sex Drive
Most women go through menopause between the ages of 45 and 55. During menopause, your hormones fluctuate and your body stops making the estrogen hormone. This hormonal change will usually trigger a range of physical symptoms.
These changes include loss of libido, hair loss, dry skin, joint pain, impaired short term memory, fatigue, headaches, brain fog, inability to focus, anxiety, and impatience. Menopause and sex drive also go together, as well as heart palpitations, forgetfulness, irritability, mood swings, low energy, and tearfulness.
You are considered done with menopause when you have not had a period for one year. This means your ovaries have stopped releasing eggs and making most of the estrogen hormone. But that does not mean your symptoms just disappear! You and your partner will have to learn new ways to be sexually intimate.
Estrogen declines over time, so your estrogen-serotonin balance is thrown off, as well. Serotonin is a mood regulator that can also boost your happiness.
Estrogen affects how much serotonin your body produces. During menopause, your estrogen levels go down, which can cause your emotions to feel off-balance. Even minor issues with your partner can feel overwhelming. This can lead to frustration, especially where menopause and sex drive are concerned.
Getting Help For Menopause And Sex Drive
Most women go through menopause without getting help. Since most doctors are not educated about menopause, women aren’t educated either. Most women don’t even realize they can get help. Couples are left to navigate this difficult time without any treatments. Sometimes you are told that you are just depressed or anxious, and the underlying hormonal imbalance is ignored.
Therapy can help you navigate a new kind of intimacy and support your mood and emotions. Having a place to honor what you are going through can be very helpful.
Things To Try
Couples might have to change the way they approach sex. You may need to use sex toys such as a vibrator. During and after menopause, it can be harder to get sexually aroused, and a vibrator can really help.
Use a lubricating gel such as Dr. Christiane Northrup’s Amatalife. There are several herbal supplements that can make a difference. Dr Northrup has one here. Dr Kristi Funk also has one on her pink lotus website.
Another option is to consider bio-identical Hormone Replacement Therapy HRT. Find a qualified doctor to help you discuss these options.
Deepening Your Connection As You Navigate Menopause and Sex Drive Changes
Increase the romance in your relationship! Do things together to deepen your connection. Go on a bike ride, take a class, learn to couples dance. This might include a romantic dinner, taking time to talk and really listen to each other, doing things you both enjoy or something new and different.
You can brain storm together and enter into couples therapy. It might be time for a new approach to menopause and sex drive.
Your Inner Beliefs
Our society is tough on women. There are many societal and cultural expectations of how to look, act and be. As you get older, you might not be able, or want to conform to these, often unspoken, norms.
You might have to take a look at your inner beliefs. What do you believe about beauty and personal power? Menopause is often a time to discover your own inner and outer beauty.
Start by loving your body. Sex and desire start in your own view and feelings about yourself. Menopause can turn your life upside down. Therapy can help with the process of redefining old views that no longer work.
Communication Advice For Approaching Your Partner
Your partner might be feeling angry, confused, and left out. Communication goes a long way towards helping you re-connect. Open up and be honest with your partner. You are going through a lot, both physically and mentally. Let your partner in on it, don’t push them away.
Even though talking can be nerve-wracking, it will get easier with practice. There are many rewards to having these conversations. It will make you feel closer and strengthen your relationship.
Use one or two sentences to bring it up. Too many words can be overwhelming. For example: I’ve read that menopause can affect your sex drive. Can we talk about how we can support each other during this phase?
Or: Sex has been painful lately, probably because I’m going through menopause. Can we talk honestly about how we might have to change our sexual intimacy?
Or: My sexual desire has really changed since I’ve started menopause. I’m more tired and emotional. Our relationship and sexual intimacy is important to me, so can we talk about how to change our routine?
Mood swings and depression can make sex seem unappealing. Stress can make things worse. Communicating about how you’re feeling and adding relaxation time, fun activities, and exercise are ways to combat this problem.
Other Unresolved Relationship Problems
If you are angry and frustrated with your partner, desire can really suffer. This might have less to do with menopause and sex drive and more to do with other unresolved problems.
If one partner uses sex as a way to exert power, this can curb intimacy. Trust issues can ruin your connection. Discussing this openly in therapy is a big help.
It might be time to recognize that relationship issues are at the base of your sexual problems. You can focus on and recognize the reasons in therapy, whether it be boredom, infidelity, or something else. If you are no longer close because of anger or mistrust, it is not likely that your sex life will improve.
You might have unresolved issues from earlier in your life that need to to be addressed. Past trauma and abuse can really get in the way and affect libido. I use methods such as EMDR and neurofeedback to help you deal with past hurts.
In therapy, you can address the reasons for your reduced libido, and even learn to express your sexual wants and needs. You might have to broaden your idea of what to do during sex. Sometimes without the pressure of always having to have intercourse or achieve orgasm.
If you are struggling with menopause and sex drive, and you’d like to experience renewed connection and intimacy, I can help. I have offices in Torrance and Santa Monica. Or we can connect online. Contact me by phone or text 310-314-6933 or email mindy@mftherapy.
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