With a husband always in a bad mood, angry, depressed, sad and cranky, there are things you can do. Moodiness affects the marriage and the flow between the two of you.
When your husband is easily irritated, if affects the couples mood. You focus on the other persons faults and short comings. This makes it difficult to empathize with each other. You feel undervalued and unappreciated.
If your husband always in a bad mood starts to make you feel depressed or sad as well, it can be difficult to cope and affects the couples mood. You can even feel held hostage by how unpredictable your partner can be. Instead of home being a refuge, it can become a place you want to avoid.
You will feel annoyed or upset in any relationship. But when you become afraid of setting your partner off and try to avoid annoying them, then you might have to learn to deal with mood swings.
If your husband has been in a bad mood for a year or two, then it might be worthwhile to try to get to the bottom of it.
But, if he has been moody for a long time, and this is just the way he is, then you and your life in the present might have nothing to do with you. This is a possible warning sign that there is some deeper, chronic issue going on that he has never dealt with.
Recent Stressors That Can Make Your Husband Easily Irritated
There are many things that might be happening, and, as a result, make your husband always in a bad mood. He might be feeling that his role in the family is threatened. This can happen when there is financial or relationship stress.
Is your husband depressed? When men are depressed, they express it through chronic irritation, bad mood and feeling annoyed. It’s important for him to seek help. Therapy, medication and neurofeedback are all options.
Depression can be caused by alcohol or drug use, poor nutrition, a thyroid or other medical imbalance, lack of sleep or poor diet. Lack of exercise, social isolation, and burnout at work can also make your husband always in a bad mood.
As people get older, they can start to question their purpose and meaning of life. Reduced testosterone levels can also affect mood. If your husband always in a bad mood has really got you questioning if he is depressed, I’m happy to help.
Having children can have a stressful effect, as well. Added financial pressure, finding time and energy for so many responsibilities and feelings of inadequacy and guilt can make your husband easily irritated.
Sometimes regret about decisions or traumatic experiences can haunt people and make your husband always in a bad mood. Getting help is important.
Communicate How You Feel
If your husband has any of these risk factors, it’s worth it to communicate about it. And remember, what is going on with him is not because of you. Spouses can take their stress and unhappiness out on each other. If this is happening, therapy can be a great place to get to the bottom of what is going on.
You can become a compassionate supporter, but not take it on. He might be taking it out on you, by finding fault in everything you do, and turning every conversation into an argument.
It can be hard to have empathy when he is being moody, critical and dismissive. You don’t want to be walking on eggshells in your own home.
What To Do With Your Husband Always In A Bad Mood
Give your partner some space. Don’t assume this is about you, but don’t wave off their feelings, either. If your partner isn’t able to clarify, some therapy can help.
Find a middle ground between spending time together and seeing your friends. Find time to also do things outside your marriage, such as working out or joining a book club.
Don’t go into “fix it” mode. While this might protect you from feeling helpless and makes you feel like you’re in control, it often feels invalidating. Your husband might just want to be heard and understood. Fixing it can make your partner go silent, feeling like you don’t want to hear their pain.
Your partner’s issues are not your responsibility. You can be kind and empathetic, but he needs to figure this out, not you. You can be supportive, but he needs to find his path. Let him find his way.
Work on your own well being. Do things you enjoy. A husband easily irritated is for him to work out for himself. Feel free to contact me if you think I can help.
Deeper Issues Of Narcissism And Emotional Abuse With A Husband Always In A Bad Mood
If your spouse is abusive (whether the abuse is physical, verbal, or sexual), it’s important to know that their behavior is not your fault. It is really helpful to talk to a therapist. Get support from a trusted friend or family member.
A narcissist will use rage as an intimidation technique. This is emotional abuse. When a narcissist is mad, they use rage to shut everyone up so they have complete power and control. They will rage others into submission. With a husband easily irritated, they can use rage as a way to manipulate you. Rage can be a way to bully their way into getting what they want.
The covert narcissist will express rage by brooding, being sullen, resentful and victimized. They, too, can be dangerous when they snap.
Rage is a major red flag in any relationship. Confronting them puts you at greater risk. It is terrifying when an adult throws what is basically a temper tantrum.
Instead of feeling compelled to respond, learn to detach. Stop trying to justify your choices. Stop trying to explain yourself. Disengage, take a step back.
There is no use personalizing their rage. It is not your fault. Rage is abusive, and nothing you did justifies it. It is their job to control their rage reaction, and if they are a narcissist, they are unlikely to do that. Don’t take that on for them. It is their responsibility to get a handle on their rage.
Detach and Stop Reacting To A Husband Easily Irritated
Detaching allows you to take back control, focusing on calming yourself. When your husband is in a bad mood, you might have to step away or say something like “We just don’t agree on this” or “Let’s agree to disagree” or “I can see how difficult this is for you” or “Let’s take some time apart to settle down”. Empathizing can sometimes work.
If you are used to people-pleasing, detaching and setting boundaries takes a lot of practice. Therapy can really help. Over time, you will get better at it. Take care of yourself and detach from trying to control what others do or what they think of you.
Educate yourself about narcissism. Go to therapy. Call 911 if you feel physically threatened. Remember, this is not your fault. Stay calm and set boundaries.
When Rage Takes Over
Don’t try to use logic or get into a debate. And don’t apologize. They will try to blame you for being a husband easily irritated, but their rage is not your fault. And it has a real negative effect of the couples mood.
You might have to walk away when they go into a rage. You can empathize with them, but don’t let them raise their voice. “I understand how you feel, but I need us to remain respectful while discussing this.”
You can also say “Let’s take a break to cool off. The worst of this is when you feel afraid of your partner because they can get angry so easily. This can lead to feeling unsafe and staying silent. You stop bringing things up that are necessary to talk about.
Mood swings and walking on eggshells do a number on your nervous system. It is so exhausting. Neurofeedback and EMDR Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing can help calm your nervous system and increase your ability to cope.
If you would like to some help, feel free to call 310-314-6933 or email me at mindy@mftherapy.com. We can talk online or you can come see me in my Torrance or Santa Monica, California offices.
