Communal narcissist traits include wanting to portray themselves as altruistic, compassionate, kind and generous. They like to see themselves as having a calling. This calling justifies their narcissistic superiority. Like all narcissists, communal narcissism is self-serving. A means to an end. They have found something that satisfies their need for power and control.
Communal Narcissist Traits
Because of their communal narcissist traits, such as their self-perceived grandiosity and superiority, they feel entitled to special treatment and other people’s constant praise and admiration.Their supposed caring about a cause is only a way to receive admiration. They want to be seen as special.
The communal narcissist seeks admiration and validation through their perceived contributions to others, the community, or society. They find something to get them the attention and praise that they want. Then they relentlessly pursue it.
For instance, if a communal narcissist is vegan, he will take it up as a cause, demanding recognition for it. You will start to see that this is attention-seeking, entitled and even cruel behavior, lashing out at people who eat meat.
Communal Narcissism Can Be Difficult To Spot
At first, a communal narcissist can be hard to spot. After all, they appear to be so altruistic and self-sacrificing. It will take time to realize their false intentions.
A truly altruistic person does something nice for you because they want to. Not because they demand recognition and want to control things.
A communal narcissist will appear like a great benevolent person in public. But in private their real motives for power and control will become more obvious.
They can become so caught up in their dedication to a cause or charity that they neglect everything else. This includes neglecting family, friends and other responsibilities.
They want to appear to be of utmost importance to the community and to their mission or calling. This will include criticizing anyone who doesn’t agree, even lashing out in cruel ways.
The Communal Narcissists Need For Recognition and Superiority
A communal narcissist wants everyone to believe that no one is more dedicated than them. This is despite obvious evidence to the contrary. Their need for recognition and superiority will come out through attention seeking behavior.
It might be hard to identify communal narcissism, since it will be disguised as helping others. But under this facade is self-serving narcissism.
Follow your gut instincts. You might notice that they seem false and that their actions and words don’t add up. You start to notice their addiction to attention and their extreme sensitivity to criticism.
Getting Attention Through Charitable Acts
The communal narcissist gets his narcissistic supply through charitable acts. It is how they get the emotional sustenance they crave in order to maintain their self worth. In other words, they need the public recognition and reverence they get for dedicating themselves to a cause.
Communal narcissism wants you to believe that they have a strong moral code or care for others. But, the way they treat others doesn’t match up with their supposed beliefs.
In their personal lives, they can be destructive and unloving as a spouse, parent, and friend. As part of their personal life, you are in a real bind, since who would believe you? Typical communal narcissist traits include a desire to be seen as such a pillar of the community. But, they are involved in the community only as a way to validate themselves and to be admired.
Charitable acts are driven by their need to prove they are altruistic and committed to social justice. However, the actual effort and work they put in is minimal. They want to do the least amount of work possible while aiming to reap recognition and the largest reward.
Power and Control Tactics Of The Communal Narcissist
Communal narcissist traits serve as a way to achieve control. Once communal narcissists have power, they become less benevolent and helpful and act more like a grandiose narcissist.
Their altruistic façade only serves as a means to get power. So once they have it, they will drop the pretense and focus on themselves rather than acting as though they care about others.
They will use social media as a way to parade their good deeds in public. They share their good deeds as a way to receive praise and appear superior.
Another communal narcissist trait is to make a point of sharing how much they sacrifice to help a good cause. This gets them the attention they crave. In private, they are unkind, selfish, and/ or exploitative.
A parent might present themselves to the world as the most supportive, caring and fun parent in the world. But at home, it is a different story, where they are cruel, judgmental and demanding.
Spiritual Narcissism Is A Form Of Communal Narcisssism
Spiritual narcissism falls under the umbrella of communal narcissism. This is when the communal narcissist tries to assert spiritual superiority over everyone else. They think they are more spiritual and special, deserving of attention and praise.
This can be seen in spiritual communities and can be cult-like. Their concern and aim is more about attention, recognition and status and less about actually helping.
Communal Narcissists can become morally outraged if it gets them what they want. They actually want to ‘show off’ their spiritual growth, especially on social media. They want recognition for supposedly being more spiritually advanced. In reality, they are being entitled and arrogant.
Can You Fix A Communal Narcissist?
Communal narcissism can be managed, but they cannot be fixed. As a result, you have to learn what makes them tick and how to deal with how they are. Without trying to fix or change them.
Your goal in relationship is be connected and close. But their goal is very different. Their goal is to feel superior to you to feed their self-esteem.
Try not to take it personally when they are cruel to you. Don’t get caught up in trying to defend yourself. Focus on your own interests, friends and family. You can’t change a narcissist, but you can take care of yourself, set boundaries and stop taking things personally.
If you’d like more help in dealing with a communal narcissist, neurofeedback and EMDR can be useful, as well. Feel free to contact be at 310-314-6933 or mindy@mftherapy.com.