To begin the healing process, first you have to be able to identify the types of narcissism. This can be harder than you think. Not all narcissists are alike. Some are easy to spot, as they are very grandiose, full of themselves, and attention seeking. However, some types of narcissism appear on the outside to be very shy and quiet. They operating in more covert ways.
Although there are different types of narcissism, what they all have in common is extreme self-centeredness. This results in an inability to be there for others, unless there is something in it for them.
In general, a narcissist is completely self-preoccupied, needs admiration, and lacks empathy. They don’t have the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.
The different types of narcissism define how the narcissist goes about being self-centered and how they get attention. Each type gets these needs met differently.
Types of Narcissism: Grandiose / Overt
The grandiose, also known as overt, narcissist is pretentious and arrogant. They monopolize conversations, brag, are overly concerned with status, are superficial and seek validation. They think they are the best at things and that everyone envies them.
More likely to attain high leadership positions, they have an inflated sense of self, are overconfident in making decisions, and don’t seem to learn from their mistakes. Grandiose narcissists like to be highly visible and showy. They are outgoing, larger than life and charismatic. They are highly successful, or act like they are. Of all the types of narcissism, they are the most charming, as long as there is something they want from you.
They have exaggerated self-importance, entitlement, and can get angry when they are disappointed. This type of narcissism has fantasies of brilliance and admiration and will deny any weakness. Above all, they want to be special and admired, recognized as superior.
They often have a gift for convincing others of their giftedness. They convincingly mislead others about themselves. When he over-promises and under-delivers as a way of life, he will have a pattern of moving from one group to the next as others catch on to their true nature.
Types of Narcissism: Vulnerable / Covert
A vulnerable or covert narcissist will be unhappy, shy and constrained, insecure, have low confidence, feeling shame, inadequacy and helplessness. They won’t admit that they feel they deserve to be seen as special. They feel fragile, victimized, that everyone is out to get them and have social anxiety.
Of all the types of narcissism, the vulnerable / covert type will mope around, act victimized, complain, isolate themselves and look to be rescued and reassured. They are passive aggressive and will often have difficult employment and academic histories.
Covert narcissists take criticism more harshly than was intended and have a deep fear of not being enough. Sometimes, a covert narcissist will go through a period of overt narcissism, and visa versa.
Types of Narcissism: Malignant
The malignant narcissist is the most destructive to others. It is the most severe form of narcissism. They will exploit others, get very antagonistic, are paranoid, sadistic, and rarely accept responsibility or feel any true regret for what they’ve done.
People are objects to them, as they are only useful in order to gain power, pleasure or profit. A malignant narcissist even enjoys watching the pain of others. They might get into trouble with the law and are more prone to substance abuse. Narcissists have no gratitude, as they feel entitled, and will generate chaos where ever they go.
They are belligerent and blame others for anything that goes wrong. The malignant narcissist is known for exerting coercive control through criticism, blame shifting, stonewalling, gaslighting, monitoring your phone, car, and computers. They limit your freedoms, accusing you of infidelity, threatening harm to children and controlling basic things like food, appearance and sleep.
Types of Narcissism: Communal
The communal narcissist meets his need for admiration through charitable acts. The goal is public recognition and reverence, and when he doesn’t get this he is extremely frustrated. There is a disconnect between how they act at home, out of the public eye, and how they act in their charitable public life.
This can be seen in spiritual communities and can be cult-like. Their concern and aim is more about attention, recognition and status and less about actually helping. They can become morally outraged if it gets them what they want. Describing themselves as generous and empathetic, they are overly concerned with fairness and the status this affords them.
Communal narcissism might cause you to believe that they have a strong moral code or care for others. But, the way they treat others doesn’t match up with their supposed beliefs.
In their personal lives, they can be destructive and unloving as a spouse, parent, and friend. As part of their personal life, you are in a real bind, since who would believe you? The communal narcissist is seen as such a pillar of the community. But, they are involved in the community only as a way to validate themselves and to be admired.
Charitable acts are driven by their need to prove they are altruistic and committed to social justice. However, the actual effort and work they put in is minimal. They want to do the least amount of work possible which aiming to reap recognition and the largest reward.
The Self-Righteous Narcissist
The self-righteous narcissist is judgmental, rigid, punishing and moralistic. They are overly strict and demand a rigid adherence to their moral code. The self-righteous narcissist has no tolerance for other peoples way of thinking, dismissing anyone who doesn’t adhere to their rules and worldview.
They will choose work, money and status over personal relationships. He will over-focus on details to the exclusion of interpersonal relationships and other peoples feelings. They think they are always right, even when evidence says otherwise.
She can’t take into consideration other peoples opinions, feelings and needs, completely disregarding others. With a sense of superiority, they think their views are the ultimate truth. He will constantly criticize and belittle others just to serve his own needs. Attention seeking through exaggerated stories can be one of their tactics. She believes she is morally superior to others and that her beliefs and opinions are the only correct ones.
They may judge and criticize others harshly for not adhering to their standards, and may feel justified in doing so because they believe they are upholding a higher moral code. Narcissistic supply comes from validation from people who agree with them which makes them feel superior. They will seek out people who will provide unwavering support and will always agree with them.
The self-righteous narcissist has a self-righteous image of herself that is more important than caring for her family and loved ones. She will abandon the people in her life in order to preserve a idealized, superior image of herself.
The Neglectful Narcissist
The neglectful narcissist is completely inattentive unless they need something. Everyone feels like they are just serving a function and family member needs are completely ignored. They avoid intimacy and often are obsessed with work, as well as socially awkward.
She is so wrapped up in herself that she neglects the needs of everyone. While they can be charming, they are always late or cancel at the last minute. Family and friends feel unimportant and hurt.
A neglectful narcissist might ignore loved ones for days or weeks, or longer. When they do reappear, it is only because they want something.
He won’t listen when you are talking and he always thinks he knows more than you. He won’t hesitate to ask you for what he needs, but he doesn’t reciprocate when you need something. They might even make big promises that they have no intention of following through on.
They are so wrapped up in themselves that they cause an immense amount of emotional pain for those around them. Neglectful narcissists never show any empathy or compassion towards others, since they cannot see the needs of anyone else.
Coming to terms with the types of narcissism, and what you are dealing with, is a process that can take some time. Educating yourself is the first step towards dealing with it.
It can be overwhelming to face the types of narcissism. Therapy can really help as you work through this. If you’d like to discuss this more, give me a call 310-314-6933 or email me mindy@mftherapy.com.
